20 years ago today, I scratched something huge off of my bucket list. On this day in 2001 I legally changed my name from Leah Mary Allan, to Leah Mary Allan Christensen, claiming my mother\"s Danish birth name, and moving my father\"s birth name to the status of middle name. Occasionally I hyphenate for some of my writing, but legally Mary and Allan are my two middle names. This is great, as I literally have my paternal grandma\"s married name Mary Allan right in the middle of my name.
While my father kept his cool, he sure wasn\"t pleased with the idea. One question he asked me was if I knew what a good name the Allan name was. Well yes, as good as name as Christensen. Both names come with absolutely stellar reputations. My maternal grandfather was a guard for King Christian X of Denmark, after all. Reputation had nothing to do with my decision. What it was was the patriarchy. How is it not sexist that the only reason why I had my father\"s name to begin with, was that he happens to be a man? Also, was I not going to grow up and get married one day, taking my husband\"s name? I guarantee that would not have resulted in an argument, so why is a daughter (or son) taking their mother\"s maiden name even an issue?
Let me tell you about my father. He was born in Ontario Canada in 1949 into an amazing family with parents who had good strong values. He and his three younger sisters were raised to be productive members of society, and fine up-standing members of their communities. Like my mother, my father volunteered with our church, when I was growing up. He started his own business when I was a kid, and worked out of our home. Both he and Mom ran businesses.. Obviously for privacy reasons I\"m not going into too much detail, but I\"m sure you understand, I HAVE AN AMAZING DAD!!! I also live in his country, speak his native language, live 20 miles from his childhood home (a home my grandparents owned from 1946 until just a couple of years ago when Grandma sold it), and anyone who has ever met me knows that I\"m a whole heck of a lot like him. He was never one to sit quietly, and neither the heck am I. If the family comes across this post, I would like to remind them that that was a high compliment. Dad taught me that people who just sit back and keep their mouths shut, are going to get steam rolled, and taken advantage of. There was no greater man than my father, to raise a couple of women who aren\"t going to put up with crap!!
So, what was my problem, you ask? Simple! No one taught me Danish as a child. I had my Mormor and Morfar (Mom\"s Mom and Mom\"s Dad) but compared to my Canadian upbringing, very little of their culture. Shouldn\"t it have been 50/50? Yes my mother immigrated to Canada and became a Canadian citizen, but did she have to assimilate so much?? As well as being a feminist and wanting to bulldoze the patriarchy in general, I also wanted something strong from my mother\"s family as a visible part of my identity. Early in 2001 I realized that I could feed two birds with one crumb by changing my last name. I was not going up my Allan personality, the English language, or any of my other roots. Also, in changing my name, i was taking a name I was going to keep. If I wasn\"t going to have my father\"s name, I would never take my husband\"s name either. This way I could not be chattel passing from father to husband. I am well aware of the fact that I have my Morfar\"s last name, but the total destruction of the patriarchy was going to take time. It would be the same if I went back to Rasmussen, or Jensen before it, on Mormor\"s side. For now I wanted a name from my mother\"s family to balance being born in my father\"s country.
When I said I wanted to crush the patriarchy, I did not say I wanted to crush my father. He was simply born and indoctrinated into a tradition not of his making, but one which would benefit him greatly. While women have glass ceilings, men have the chances to be heads of families, among other things. THAT is the injustice that moved me forward. It had nothing to do with my father whom I love, and a name that still makes me proud. It is that pride that didn\"t allow me to drop Allan all together.
Three years after I changed my name, I met the man whom I\"d marry. I met him (online) at Dad\"s house, as a matter of fact. I told him the whole story, the night we met. A wise old friend of mine told me that when you\"re in a relationship, or about to embark on one, it\"s important to get the big details out of the way. He mentioned wanting to emigrate to Canada on his first date with his future wife. She was on board with the idea, and their relationship blossomed. I remembered his advice when I told my husband about my last name. He actually noticed it right away, and it\"s origins were the first things he wanted to know. After I told him my story he said that any man who would insist on his wife taking his name is a fool. Turns out Walker had been divorced, and really didn\"t like the sound of the phrase "Mrs. Bennett." Also one of his exes has a name similar to mine if it were rearranged a bit. Our return address labels say "Christensen & Bennett." It\"s he "&" that makes us a married couple.
While my certificate didn\"t arrive in the mail till April 17, today\"s date of April 9th was when it was issued, so it\"s the day I celebrate. I was 19 in 2001 when I changed my last name, and I\"m 39 now. Where does the time go?
With all that\"s happened in the last 20 years, I\"m quite proud of what I did in 2001, and how far I\"ve come since then. I can still be a part of my family without us all being bound by the same traditions. One thing that I did keep from my father was my Presbyterian faith, although that was tested in 2007 by a rather conservative minister when I wanted to marry my husband, who happened to be a Mormon. We ended up eloping in Arizona, and having a non-officiated ceremony with family later the next year.
Anyway, not wanting to have anything to do with organized religion, but not being closed to the fact that miracles happen, I tuned into a Presbyterian church on a community radio station, and the rest is history. The ministers are perfectly balanced. Gender inequality doesn\"t exist. Hugh and Courtney are both feminists, and Hugh has a special gift when it comes to understanding my musical side. Had I not been born Presbyterian, I might not have given Knox Waterloo a second luck. I can thank my father for that Mom\"s side is Lutheran, and Mom joined the Presbyterian church when she married my Dad.
With Mom\"s maiden name, and Dad\"s religion, as obvious parts of my identity that I could\"ve easily lost to marriage, I have found a way to balance my identity and buck tradition at the same time, and 20 years later I\"m still pretty damn proud.
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